I really really hate my brain

So woke up this morning – it’s a lovely day. Sun is out, don’t have to do anything other than a little housework, and I even got to sleep in for a while.

And what happens? Helloooooo anxiety.

I feel like I should be shaking like a leaf, but according to my hands I’m not. I’m looking at the dishes that need doing, and I feel guilty because I know I should be doing them but I’m scared that if I try I’ll end up breaking half of them. I would very much like to game for a little while and kill a few orcs, because that always makes me feel a bit better (no idea why, but it works) but I feel guilty for wanting to do that when Hubby is outside mowing the lawn. Because somehow, my brain thinks that just because HE is doing work, I should be too, otherwise he’ll think I’m a lazy idiot. And for some reason, doing something that helps me be ABLE to get on with doing that work (that could be classed as a recreational activity) would be classed as “lazy” by my brain.

Like I said, I hate my brain sometimes.

So instead I’m on here, trying to get myself calm enough that I can think straight and be able to do the dishes and the rest of what I have to do today without ending up in a little ball in the corner.

~K

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